I’ve just returned from Luminosity in Utah, a 2-day training focused on how to put on a successful event and it was eye-opening in about a million ways.
I saw how easily and fluidly I slipped right back into Supporter mode. I was only too happy to be in the background taking care of others. After all, it’s been my work for over thirty years in my former job. Second in command is my sweet spot.
Yet, I had to remind myself that this is not where my true brilliance lives.
Can I do it? Yes.
Am I good at it? Yes.
Is it where I shine? NO. It’s where I hide.
(Insert screeching sound here)
It’s not who I am at soul level but it’s who I can be without much effort. The effort? Oh, that comes when I stretch out of my snuggly zone o’comfort and show up as my real self. (Bleah. That feels scary just saying it.)
Thing is (and maybe this is true for you, too), I have spent most of my life in compartments. There is one person in the world who knows me down to the core and we’ve been friends for over thirty years. Everyone else gets a version of me. But not all of me.
And at the ripe old age of 55, I’m finally getting just how damn exhausting it is to have to remember who sees what side of me. It’s exhausting pretending that I have all my stuff together all the time.
(Anyone there with me? Raise your hand!)
When you are the face of your business, there’s some sort of quiet pact that you don’t show all the stuff going on behind the scenes. Who wants to work with someone if they run around looking like a hot mess all the time?
Truth: We are all hot messes some of the time. We are all raging brilliant stars some of the time.
We are *all parts* of who we *are all the time*.
If you’ve been compartmentalizing parts of who you are, is that still serving you? Is it supporting your intention of where you want to go (or who you choose to be)?
If not, here are a couple questions to think about, journal on or talk about with a friend for increased clarity:
1) What’s the value of hiding parts of myself from others? We never do anything without some sort of payoff so if you’ve been doing it, there’s a reason. Bring that reason (or reasons) into awareness so you can choose something different that serves you NOW.
2) What if the only thing that’s stopping you from creating the future you truly desire is every limitation about yourself that you bought as real? What’s possible if you were to release those limitations and look at what you truly desire?
Truth be told, I’ve been working on this whole compartmentalization thing for six years, peeling away layers and layers of stories I told myself or were given to me and I believed. It doesn’t happen overnight that POOF! the box is gone. It happens action by action, intention by intention.
By bringing awareness to it (as in noticing how easily I slipped into that supporter role and disappeared into the woodwork), I can make a different choice.