Fear is a weird thing, yo.
Here I am, walking around, getting all excited about de-cluttering and creating a space that is to be my “office” with the intention of quitting my day job and going full-time with my intuitive practice.
That has been my dream for about ten years or so and it’s only been in the past few years that I’ve managed to make it a reality.
I just have to do one thing before the husband can get started tearing down the Brady Bunch paneling and ripping up the carpet. I have to move my cat’s litter box upstairs. Easy, right? And here I am, four weeks into this and the cat box remains in that room. Husband reminds me that he can’t get started until I do that.
The cat box is still there. What’s my deal?
In my mentoring conversation with Andrea on Thursday, I mention this. She points out that it’s about unacknowledged fear. Hmm, I say. Maybe. (hahha I know, right. That’s like DUH-City!) She goes on to say that staking your financial future on your intuition is a huge thing. It’s scary as hell.
And that’s when it hit me
I am terrified that as soon as I quit the easy (but ultimately soul-sucking) day job and jump off the cliff, I’ll realize I have no intuitive abilities at all. And then I’ll be stuck. Next thing you know, we’ll be homeless, all because I thought I had some mad skillz. Silly silly me.
Fear is a weird thing, isn’t it?
It’s not so much the fear that keeps you stuck. Andrea reminded me that it’s UNACKNOWLEDGED fear that keeps you stuck. Once you acknowledge it, allow it out and chat with that fear a bit, neither pushing it away or running from it, then it really doesn’t hold you back so much because you shined some light on it. It’s out there. What has been seen cannot be unseen, as they say.
Why am I baring my soul this way?
First, to mention that this kind of fear happens to everyone (maybe you?). I know I have the skills to have a successful practice. In my heart of hearts, I know this is what I do and do well. It’s one of the reasons I’m here.
And yet, I still experience those doubts about the very thing I am surest of – my intuitive abilities. I find that kind of odd and interesting at the same time. Definitely worth digging into.
Second, I aspire to embody what I teach. In so many of my sessions with others, I talk about bringing that fear or sadness out and letting it speak. So when Andrea said that to me, I was reminded that I need to take my own counsel and let that fear out. Give it a voice. Acknowledge it.
This is me acknowledging my (apparently pretty large) fear of trusting the skill I know best in the world to support me fully. Yep, it’s scary to jump. But I’m going to do it.
I can’t NOT do it.
And that cat box gets moved tomorrow. For reals.
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