I cried this morning. The tears were all about letting go of a dream. But I knew that I had to make room for “what is right now” not “what was back then” – both figuratively and literally.
You guys know that when my Guides poke me, I listen, right? Yeah, well, they poked and nudged the way to joining in a program called “The Shed Project” – created and hosted by Bindu Wiles. It’s eight weeks where a bunch of us let go of a lot of stuff: clothes, weight, items in the house … whatever needs to be released, this is an opportunity to do it using the group energy to help carry you along. (It officially starts September 14th, btw)
This morning I opened one of my many clothes closets and decided that it was time. Time to release to the Universe and someone else who needed them lots of clothes. Why did I cry? Because these were clothes from when I was much thinner. And I had to acknowledge that I no longer fit in them instead of hiding them away in a closet for years and years.
A little history for you
See, in 1997 I had gastric bypass surgery (then a little known procedure). I successfully lost 120 pounds and felt better in my body than I ever had in my whole life. It was an amazing feeling. I bought clothes like they were going out of style because for the first time in my life, I was thin. After getting married in 2000, I gained some weight back and by 2003, found myself at my highest post-op weight. It was not fun. Both the husband and I did a modified version of the Atkins diet and the weight just flew off. Once again, I felt good in my body and was thrilled to go out and buy new clothes again.
In 2006, I was hit with the deaths of both my beloved goddaughter and my mom and went on an eating tour to manage my grief. (Umm, I don’t recommend that but it was better than melting down into a puddle in the closet.) Several years, lots of funky hormonal changes and many pounds later, here I sit fitting into just about nothing.
So, why was I crying?
It was time to let the clothes and my dreams that I would fit back into them go. Actually, I think the dream is harder to release than the three bags of clothes. Donating them to a shop where all proceeds from sales go to the local hospice center helped me a bit. What really made a difference was knowing that someone else needed what I had to give. Whether it was the money from the sales or the clothes themselves, someone would benefit.
Letting go of my smaller sized clothes feels to me like a little death. Death of the days when I felt good in my body. I know, I know – it’s not really the case. It just feels like it right now.
Today, I cried size 10 tears knowing that really, it’s all a process of letting go so that new, vibrant energy – energy that is aligned with where I am *now* and not ten years ago has room to come in. And it will. I know. I trust.
Want to know more?
If you want to participate in Bindu’s project, check it out here: The Shed Project. I’ll be writing more about this as I begin working with even more intention on letting go.