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Podcast #49: Boundaries – gotta love ’em!

 

While they’re not fun to enforce (or we’d do it all the time, no prodding necessary!), they are critical to your soul’s growth and evolution. In today’s podcast, I talk about why that’s so and give you a couple ways to start working on yours right now.


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Don’t forget – the “Coming Back To Life” E-course starts October 1st!

 

If you’re looking for something to help bring you back to your center that you can do in little bits, this is the course – it’s chock full of wonderful information, exercises and extra special gifties all delivered right to your in-box!

Coming Back to Life Ecourse

Podcast Transcript

from Practically Intuitive Podcasts

Hi everyone and welcome to the Practically Intuitive podcast. I’m Lisa and you can find me at Practicallyintuitive.com where I write about intuition, personal development, metaphysical matters and whatever else pops into my head.

Big news! In the coming month or so, I’ll be introducing a new way to guide and support you.   I realize that sharing the wisdom that comes from your Guides is important but even more so is the need for you to implement that guidance so you see real and lasting results in your life.  Making life changes are hard and that’s where we often need the most help.

But we can’t do that in just one sixty-minute call because change, real change, comes from small, progressive steps. So I’m putting together a package that will offer you the chance to dig in and get amazing transformative results.

Among other things, it will include a three-hour kickoff session where we spend some time really working on what’s in your way and crafting a plan to move past it, coaching to bring about the change you desire and – more importantly – sustain that change, and some learning sessions so you can find deeper ways s to work with your Guide team or experience the freedom that comes with cutting a cord of attachment.  There are lots of other cool things that will be included in this package and I’m so excited to debut it!  Look for more information coming soon.

Today I’m going to talk about everyone’s most favorite topic – boundaries.  What? It’s NOT your favorite? Truth be told, it’s not mine either.  Still, being able to know your boundaries and understand why they are a crucial part of taking care of yourself is key to getting what you want and need.

Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others

Well, that seems easy enough, I suppose and it makes sense.  Unfortunately, many of us grow up with boundaries that have been stepped on, trampled over and just plain ignored by those around us – family, lovers, friends, children.  And somehow, we begin to think that we either don’t deserve to have our own opinions or feelings or that others come before us when we consider what we want.

Take the young girl who has grown up seeing her dad bully her mom whenever her mom asked for what she needed.  This girl gets the message that if you speak up, you’ll catch holy hell for it so she learns to  go along to get along.  She loses her metaphorical voice in the world.  She also learns that it’s okay for someone else to shut her up.  Can you see how this would affect so many areas of her life? She hasn’t been taught that it’s an essential life skill for her to speak up and own what she wants.

I was 24 when I moved out of my mom’s house and I got so much flak from my Italian family over my desire to do that.  In my family, you stayed home until you either went away to college or got married. I was leaving just because I wanted to and that was not acceptable, according to my mom and grandparents.  My therapist at the time made me repeat the mantra “it’s okay for me to do this” over and over and over. Essentially, I had to give myself permission to want this in the face of everyone telling me that it wasn’t okay.  I did it but with an enormous amount of needless guilt for reasons I still don’t understand to this day.

And empaths, those who can directly experience the emotions of other people, face a particularly difficult time with boundaries.  It’s hard to know what feelings belong to them and what belongs to other people.  There’s a huge blurring of borders.

I know (often with amazing clarity) how my words and actions will directly affect another.  And I’ve chosen not to speak up many, many times because I didn’t want to hurt someone.

Instead of allowing them to feel whatever they want and make their own choices, I’ve created this entire play in my head about what’s going to happen when I speak up.

So, not only am I not honoring my own boundaries by remaining silent, I’m not honoring their right to feel and act however they choose in response to my words.

Why is it so hard to ask for what we want? And to be able to say no to what we don’t want?

There are so many reasons, really.  Much of it comes down to understanding that not only do we have the right to set our boundaries; we have the responsibility to do that.  Boundaries are your way of claiming what you value.

If you don’t claim it, you will seek your self-worth in someone else’s opinion.

 Let me say that again because it’s huge: If you do not claim the things you value and want in your life, you are giving that power away to others who will make those choices for you.

Is that what you really, truly want?

Your needs have just as much validity as anyone else’s needs.

Really they do. No matter what you’ve learned along the way, you matter just as much as everyone else.

Believe that.  Because all else springs from that belief.

Now that you know how important it is to claim your desires, here’s a couple ways to start doing that right today:

1)      Speak up even in situations that aren’t a big deal.  If someone asks you what restaurant you’d like to go to and you don’t overly care, pick one anyway.  This is just practice in speaking your preference out loud. When you see that you can own what you want with the small stuff, it helps build your confidence in asking for the bigger things.

2)      Learn to say no nicely.  And be truthful about it.  If you don’t want to go to a family cookout, say “I’m not going to be able to come but thank you so much for the invitation.” Making up excuses just makes you feel bad for not being truthful and disrespects the other person. There are reasonable ways to say no thank you.  Find them and use them in cases where it’s appropriate.

This is such a large topic that affects so many areas of our life that I’ve only been able to touch on it a bit here.  But if you start with these small steps, you will see a difference immediately.  You can’t not see it! And the more you do it, the more confidence you’ll have about speaking up. So when it gets to something big, you’ll be able to say what you want much easier.

Like learning how to work with your intuition, the time to practice it is when there’s nothing riding on the outcome, not when you’re in the weeds and have to make a life-changing decision.  There’s no shame in starting right where you are. Just start.

That’s all for this time. Thanks so much for tuning in and I look forward to talking with you again soon. This is Lisa from Practically Intuitive.com, bye for now!

(UBC) Day 11: Six Words That Give Away Your Power

When you hear someone say these words, it means they are not standing in their own power. It means they’ve chosen to be powerless.

What are these words?

“This is just who I am.”

In that moment, they’ve essentially said “I have no ability to change something within myself.”

 

 

 

Personal power matters …. a lot.

Powerlessness was a particular issue with my mom. Despite the fact that she was intelligent, outgoing and strong-willed, she was forever seeking her mother’s approval and so to be loved, she caved in.

Every. single. time.

She gave up what she wanted to make someone else happy because by doing so, then she thought they’d love her.  She fought this inner battle right up until she died at age 76.

I can’t tell you the number of times she said “Well, that’s just how I am.” and it always pinged me because  I took it to mean that she was not willing to grow, change, evolve.

What I think it meant for her, though, was a very defiant “You don’t like me? Tough shit!” attitude when really? She so desperately wanted to be accepted.  Like most of us, she wanted to be seen and loved for who she was.  She never had that unconditional acceptance and she swung from giving away her power to just about anyone to being oddly stubborn and defiant.

(In fact, the only person who could coerce her to do anything was my husband.  We often called him “the big gun” because when all our reasoning failed, I’d put him on the phone with her and she’d cave in a heartbeat.  Odd, that.)

What does having personal power look like?

Here are just a few examples of what to do to move more into your own power.  Empaths, I know you have a very hard time doing these, don’t you? But it’s so important that you try.  (Trust me on this!)

* Don’t say yes when you mean no.  (I inherited this from my mom and I’m working on changing it.  Hard, though.  I hate letting people down. But I’d rather hear a polite No than a pissed-off YES and I am guessing that most people would also.)

* Ask for what you need even if you don’t think you have a chance of getting it.  (My mom desperately wanted a fancy wedding with all the trimmings.  My father didn’t.  Guess who won? She didn’t even ask. She just caved in. Can you imagine??)

* Be willing to look at your own attitudes and behaviors and see if there’s room for some growth. (Mom was just too stubborn after a while to do this.)

 

 You are only as powerless as you CHOOSE to be.

Doing nothing is still a choice.

 

Call to action: In the comments, let me know one thing you are doing to step more into your own power.

And if you can’t think of anything, well, that should be your cue to get moving!  (Would you like some assistance from your team of Guides??)

 Here’s what my friend and fellow intuitive Julie Langdon Barrett said on her blog about our session:

 “The reason, I believe, that my guides steered me to Lisa in particular at this specific moment, was because she is an unbelievably clear channel.

Have you ever had a session where it was like a three way call?  You, your guides, and the intuitive?  That’s exactly what it was like.  So not only do I appreciate Lisa for the extremely cool person and friend that she is, but I could not have been guided to a better person for very specific next steps.

The interesting part about communicating with your spirit guides through someone else is that it can unravel completely differently than the way you get information from them.  Plus, the other person is impartial, so not only do they “hear what you can’t”, they can also help interpret what you’ve been experiencing or going through and give insights in their own inimitable way.”

Don’t live your life only powered by half! Go full octane and see how awesome it is!

“What wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone”

That line, from a poem by Miller Williams, kept jumping out at me as I read it on a friend’s Facebook wall.

COMPASSION by Miller Williams
Have compassion for everyone you meet even if they don’t want it.
What seems conceit, bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.
You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone.

It’s true – despite what we think, we truly have no idea what “wars are going on” inside another. Most people don’t want to know what goes on inside themselves, much less deep within the soul of another.

Me? I long to know what wars go on down there. I do. If you want to chit chat all day about the weather or the Mets, I’m not your (wo)man.

But you want to get down into the muck and the pain of your life? Baby, I am so right there with you. Emotions don’t scare me at all. Not one bit. Not tears, not sadness, not despair. I’ve felt (am feeling, will feel) all those things and more in my own life and know what it takes to open that part up to another.

Holding the energy of compassion while in sessions with my clients allows me to move all judgments and stuff out of the way so I stand right there with you, your hand in mine. It’s not even a conscious thing for me – I just move into it and we’re there, together.

Being an empath helps a lot too because while you may not have the language for what’s going inside you, often I just know it from the inside out. And that’s one of the ways I can help you walk through it.

We all have those wars – don’t think you have to tackle yours alone. I’m right here – holding out my hand. With love, compassion and understanding for all the things that are going on “down there where the spirit meets the bone”.

New Class! Manage your *own* energy: How to free yourself from carrying other people’s stuff


***NEW CLASS!***
Manage your *own* energy starts in June!

What is it?
Do you find that everyone has been dumping their feelings on you for so long that you can’t tell what concerns are rightfully yours anymore?

Learn to turn your empathy on and off at will – so you can choose when and if you want to pick up on the feelings being deposited in your emotional backyard.

In this two part tele-class, I’ll share the different kinds of empath gifts (emotional, physical, etc) so you can see where you are in that group and discuss the energetic hazards of walking around with your empathy wide open.

(Here’s a hint: it gets in the way of pursuing your path and purpose!)

But most important of all – you’ll learn techniques that can help you turn that empathy thermostat down so you are in control of how you use these wonderful skills..

How do you know if you’re an empath?

Do you…
• Feel emotionally drained after hanging out with certain people?
• Experience physical pain in your body for no reason?
• Feel distraught, hopeless or depressed when watching the news?
• Think other people’s issues are always more important than your own?
• Hear or feel what animals and plants need?
• Know exactly what it feels like to be another person?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you ARE an empath!

In this class, you’ll receive:
• Two 45-minute audio-classes on how to manage your empathy (mp3 files that you can keep and listen to at your leisure)

• Two one-hour LIVE Q&A calls with me to get answers to your personal situation (by phone)

• Recordings of all the live calls

• Exclusive e-book that contains the transcript and empath management techniques

• Worksheets to supplement your practice of these skills

Class Information:

• In part 1 of the audio-class, I will help you discover your own type of empathic gift(s). I will also explain why many empaths walk around wide-open taking in everyone else’s stuff and how this gets in the way of you pursuing your path and purpose.

• In part 2 of the audio-class, I will go over techniques to get you from an unskilled empath to a skilled empath. Upon learning this, you’ll able to open up as you CHOOSE. We will also discuss what are the results of pulling that energy back into yourself for your own use.

• In each of the live Q&A calls, we’ll go over the material from the audio-classes and I’ll  answer questions about your own situation, as well as coach you on how to tweak your skill development and learning process.

Register Now!
Investment: $197
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Step It Up
Want a bit more individualized coaching on using those fabulous empathy skills in your day-to-day life? Come work with a skilled empath (me!) who can help you find just the right way to manage your own unique set of skills. Email me for more information

Questions?
Post your questions below in the comment section or email me.