web analytics

(UBC) Day 14: Weeping for someone I don’t even know

By Lisa Wechtenhiser

In my daily internet travels, I bop around to a lot of different blogs.  Some political, some snarky, some belonging to friends.  Each has a distinct personality reflecting that of the blog owner.

Over at Balloon Juice (a personal/political blog of a left-leaning nature), the owner is a cantankerous sort named John Cole.  Younger than me, he often seems older and more set in his ways than I’ve been on my most stubborn of days.  One wholly redeeming  thing about the often-crotchety John, owner of two dogs and a cat, is his true love and devotion to those pets.  He adores and cares for them with a ferocity that would put most of us to shame. (And I say that as someone who calls our dogs “the kids” because to me, they are my children.)

TunchThe star of the blog has always been John’s huge 12 year old white cat named Tunch.  He’s at times sneaky and demanding (like many cats we all know and love, right?) but had John wrapped around his finger.

I love this story about how Tunch and Rosie the dog worked together to have some fun at John’s expense.

Yesterday, when I went to go to the lumber yard to get a couple dozen bags of topsoil, I couldn’t find my wallet. It drove me nuts, because I KNOW that I had placed it on the second desk in my office the night before. But when I went there, it was gone. I looked everywhere, and couldn’t find it, and then, on a hunch (since she has already chewed up one wallet and made an attempt on this wallet), I checked under the Morris chair in the spare bedroom where Rosie like to stash her (MY) stuff. And sure enough, there it was. I couldn’t figure out how she was doing it, until now.

As I was sitting here working, Tunch jumped up onto the spare desk, nonchalantly walked over and knocked my wallet onto the ground. In a flash, Rosie shot out from underneath my feet at the desk, picked up the wallet, and took off for the spare bedroom. Tunch just sat there and gave me a “WTF are you going to do about it, fat man?”

I just sat there for a minute, stunned. I think I may have actually said “You gotta be shitting me” out loud, because it dawned on me that if they really are working together, I’m screwed.

Last night, John posted that his sister’s dog came over and was hanging out in the back yard. I don’t know the history of the dog and Tunch but I gather it wasn’t good.

Somehow, this time, Tunch got out and was killed by the dog.

When I read that, I sat at my computer and cried.

And cried and cried and cried.

For someone I don’t even know.

His sadness and pain, that he rarely ever shows, was palpable on the screen.

And EIGHT HUNDRED PEOPLE over a THOUSAND PEOPLE left him comments, condolences and helped him carry his grief.  Not only because we had come to know Tunch through John’s stories on the blog but we had come to see John’s heart reflected in those same stories.

When someone shows you their heart, hold it in your hands gently. As those eight hundred people did.

Behind every single word on a screen sits someone who has loved and lost, like John has.

Behind every single comment left on a blog sits someone reaching out in the only way they can.

To comfort.

To care.

To hold close by their words.

While “We are all ONE” is a nice sentiment, it becomes real when things like this happen.

I don’t know John personally nor does he know me, I suspect.  But my sadness for his loss is no less real because of that.

RIP Tunch.  You’ll be missed.  Even if we didn’t know you.

Podcast #49: Boundaries – gotta love ’em!

 

While they’re not fun to enforce (or we’d do it all the time, no prodding necessary!), they are critical to your soul’s growth and evolution. In today’s podcast, I talk about why that’s so and give you a couple ways to start working on yours right now.


Podcast Powered By Podbean

Don’t forget – the “Coming Back To Life” E-course starts October 1st!

 

If you’re looking for something to help bring you back to your center that you can do in little bits, this is the course – it’s chock full of wonderful information, exercises and extra special gifties all delivered right to your in-box!

Coming Back to Life Ecourse

Podcast Transcript

from Practically Intuitive Podcasts

Hi everyone and welcome to the Practically Intuitive podcast. I’m Lisa and you can find me at Practicallyintuitive.com where I write about intuition, personal development, metaphysical matters and whatever else pops into my head.

Big news! In the coming month or so, I’ll be introducing a new way to guide and support you.   I realize that sharing the wisdom that comes from your Guides is important but even more so is the need for you to implement that guidance so you see real and lasting results in your life.  Making life changes are hard and that’s where we often need the most help.

But we can’t do that in just one sixty-minute call because change, real change, comes from small, progressive steps. So I’m putting together a package that will offer you the chance to dig in and get amazing transformative results.

Among other things, it will include a three-hour kickoff session where we spend some time really working on what’s in your way and crafting a plan to move past it, coaching to bring about the change you desire and – more importantly – sustain that change, and some learning sessions so you can find deeper ways s to work with your Guide team or experience the freedom that comes with cutting a cord of attachment.  There are lots of other cool things that will be included in this package and I’m so excited to debut it!  Look for more information coming soon.

Today I’m going to talk about everyone’s most favorite topic – boundaries.  What? It’s NOT your favorite? Truth be told, it’s not mine either.  Still, being able to know your boundaries and understand why they are a crucial part of taking care of yourself is key to getting what you want and need.

Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others

Well, that seems easy enough, I suppose and it makes sense.  Unfortunately, many of us grow up with boundaries that have been stepped on, trampled over and just plain ignored by those around us – family, lovers, friends, children.  And somehow, we begin to think that we either don’t deserve to have our own opinions or feelings or that others come before us when we consider what we want.

Take the young girl who has grown up seeing her dad bully her mom whenever her mom asked for what she needed.  This girl gets the message that if you speak up, you’ll catch holy hell for it so she learns to  go along to get along.  She loses her metaphorical voice in the world.  She also learns that it’s okay for someone else to shut her up.  Can you see how this would affect so many areas of her life? She hasn’t been taught that it’s an essential life skill for her to speak up and own what she wants.

I was 24 when I moved out of my mom’s house and I got so much flak from my Italian family over my desire to do that.  In my family, you stayed home until you either went away to college or got married. I was leaving just because I wanted to and that was not acceptable, according to my mom and grandparents.  My therapist at the time made me repeat the mantra “it’s okay for me to do this” over and over and over. Essentially, I had to give myself permission to want this in the face of everyone telling me that it wasn’t okay.  I did it but with an enormous amount of needless guilt for reasons I still don’t understand to this day.

And empaths, those who can directly experience the emotions of other people, face a particularly difficult time with boundaries.  It’s hard to know what feelings belong to them and what belongs to other people.  There’s a huge blurring of borders.

I know (often with amazing clarity) how my words and actions will directly affect another.  And I’ve chosen not to speak up many, many times because I didn’t want to hurt someone.

Instead of allowing them to feel whatever they want and make their own choices, I’ve created this entire play in my head about what’s going to happen when I speak up.

So, not only am I not honoring my own boundaries by remaining silent, I’m not honoring their right to feel and act however they choose in response to my words.

Why is it so hard to ask for what we want? And to be able to say no to what we don’t want?

There are so many reasons, really.  Much of it comes down to understanding that not only do we have the right to set our boundaries; we have the responsibility to do that.  Boundaries are your way of claiming what you value.

If you don’t claim it, you will seek your self-worth in someone else’s opinion.

 Let me say that again because it’s huge: If you do not claim the things you value and want in your life, you are giving that power away to others who will make those choices for you.

Is that what you really, truly want?

Your needs have just as much validity as anyone else’s needs.

Really they do. No matter what you’ve learned along the way, you matter just as much as everyone else.

Believe that.  Because all else springs from that belief.

Now that you know how important it is to claim your desires, here’s a couple ways to start doing that right today:

1)      Speak up even in situations that aren’t a big deal.  If someone asks you what restaurant you’d like to go to and you don’t overly care, pick one anyway.  This is just practice in speaking your preference out loud. When you see that you can own what you want with the small stuff, it helps build your confidence in asking for the bigger things.

2)      Learn to say no nicely.  And be truthful about it.  If you don’t want to go to a family cookout, say “I’m not going to be able to come but thank you so much for the invitation.” Making up excuses just makes you feel bad for not being truthful and disrespects the other person. There are reasonable ways to say no thank you.  Find them and use them in cases where it’s appropriate.

This is such a large topic that affects so many areas of our life that I’ve only been able to touch on it a bit here.  But if you start with these small steps, you will see a difference immediately.  You can’t not see it! And the more you do it, the more confidence you’ll have about speaking up. So when it gets to something big, you’ll be able to say what you want much easier.

Like learning how to work with your intuition, the time to practice it is when there’s nothing riding on the outcome, not when you’re in the weeds and have to make a life-changing decision.  There’s no shame in starting right where you are. Just start.

That’s all for this time. Thanks so much for tuning in and I look forward to talking with you again soon. This is Lisa from Practically Intuitive.com, bye for now!

Leaving doesn’t hurt less even when you know …

… that there is so much more on the other side and that life doesn’t really end, it just changes form.

Source: weheartit.com via Ivonne on Pinterest

One of my good friends from my early 20’s died yesterday from a particularly virulent kind of breast cancer. I haven’t seen her in many years but we often chatted in email once we got back in touch and I was there for this part of her journey. As a writer, she chronicled her illness with brutal honesty that bypassed pretty pink ribbons.

And even though I know that I will see her again, I am carrying a sadness about all of it that I can’t really name.

Before she died, she came to me (telepathically). I knew it was her because she greeted me by my maiden name as was our habit back in the day. I could hear her voice so clearly telling me not to be sad, that she was finally free and loving things now that she was out of that body. Her soul spoke to me with joy and peace and a calm that felt to me like floating on top of the ocean.

Being able to communicate with those on the other side and knowing in my heart that we continue on IS a great comfort to me.

When I *finally* accepted the reality that my goddaughter was dying and it was her soul’s wish to leave, I found comfort in knowing that I’d hear from her.

Same with my mom – the last thing I told her before she passed away was “You know I can hear you so come talk to me.”

And they do speak to us in so many ways if we are willing to stretch and BELIEVE it is from them.

With all my heart I believe there are no coincidences. The song that plays at exactly the right moment or the oracle card that falls on the floor that holds a message you need to hear – messages all.

If you are feeling the loss of someone you love, ask them to make their energetic presence known. Don’t dismiss what shows up. Open your heart and receive the gift you’ve been given, the gift you asked for. It might not come as a bolt out of the blue but it comes.

It comes.

(UBC) Day 14: When someone you love is hurting

Someone I dearly love and respect has fallen back into some addiction patterns they had earlier and it makes my heart so sad to see it. It really tests my whole “lessons are everywhere” theory and not because I don’t believe it but because watching someone learn those lessons in a very painful way is just gut-wrenching. (And I can only imagine the depth of their pain – it must be enormous.)

How do I help?

DO I help?

Is helping enabling?

All these questions ran through my mind the other day and I have no answers, unfortunately.

None.

One of the things I do know from my work is that very often there are astral entities hanging out around those who have addictions. Alcohol and other drugs can create holes in your aura and that’s sort of a doorway for those seeking a ride on your energy to come in.

What I can do from a distance (without crossing their boundary of free will) is to clear the entities that are present. At least then, they will have only their own energy to deal with and not have to fight the additional (unknown to them) battle of losing energy to these spirits.

Of course, if they continue with the addiction, they are unconsciously inviting these little creatures back in. So, I will do a clearing every few days for a while to see if I can help move them on. That is what I can do from a distance without overstepping my boundaries (and theirs).

And I can continue to hold the energy for them to get the help they need and get the lesson they asked for in the easiest manner possible.

I’m not sure what else is mine to do. Most likely just hold the space and ask the Angels, Archangels and those of really high vibrations to assist with the healing on all levels.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? What has helped you when someone you dearly love is hurting?

(UBC) Day 11: Six Words That Give Away Your Power

When you hear someone say these words, it means they are not standing in their own power. It means they’ve chosen to be powerless.

What are these words?

“This is just who I am.”

In that moment, they’ve essentially said “I have no ability to change something within myself.”

 

 

 

Personal power matters …. a lot.

Powerlessness was a particular issue with my mom. Despite the fact that she was intelligent, outgoing and strong-willed, she was forever seeking her mother’s approval and so to be loved, she caved in.

Every. single. time.

She gave up what she wanted to make someone else happy because by doing so, then she thought they’d love her.  She fought this inner battle right up until she died at age 76.

I can’t tell you the number of times she said “Well, that’s just how I am.” and it always pinged me because  I took it to mean that she was not willing to grow, change, evolve.

What I think it meant for her, though, was a very defiant “You don’t like me? Tough shit!” attitude when really? She so desperately wanted to be accepted.  Like most of us, she wanted to be seen and loved for who she was.  She never had that unconditional acceptance and she swung from giving away her power to just about anyone to being oddly stubborn and defiant.

(In fact, the only person who could coerce her to do anything was my husband.  We often called him “the big gun” because when all our reasoning failed, I’d put him on the phone with her and she’d cave in a heartbeat.  Odd, that.)

What does having personal power look like?

Here are just a few examples of what to do to move more into your own power.  Empaths, I know you have a very hard time doing these, don’t you? But it’s so important that you try.  (Trust me on this!)

* Don’t say yes when you mean no.  (I inherited this from my mom and I’m working on changing it.  Hard, though.  I hate letting people down. But I’d rather hear a polite No than a pissed-off YES and I am guessing that most people would also.)

* Ask for what you need even if you don’t think you have a chance of getting it.  (My mom desperately wanted a fancy wedding with all the trimmings.  My father didn’t.  Guess who won? She didn’t even ask. She just caved in. Can you imagine??)

* Be willing to look at your own attitudes and behaviors and see if there’s room for some growth. (Mom was just too stubborn after a while to do this.)

 

 You are only as powerless as you CHOOSE to be.

Doing nothing is still a choice.

 

Call to action: In the comments, let me know one thing you are doing to step more into your own power.

And if you can’t think of anything, well, that should be your cue to get moving!  (Would you like some assistance from your team of Guides??)

 Here’s what my friend and fellow intuitive Julie Langdon Barrett said on her blog about our session:

 “The reason, I believe, that my guides steered me to Lisa in particular at this specific moment, was because she is an unbelievably clear channel.

Have you ever had a session where it was like a three way call?  You, your guides, and the intuitive?  That’s exactly what it was like.  So not only do I appreciate Lisa for the extremely cool person and friend that she is, but I could not have been guided to a better person for very specific next steps.

The interesting part about communicating with your spirit guides through someone else is that it can unravel completely differently than the way you get information from them.  Plus, the other person is impartial, so not only do they “hear what you can’t”, they can also help interpret what you’ve been experiencing or going through and give insights in their own inimitable way.”

Don’t live your life only powered by half! Go full octane and see how awesome it is!

Podcast #28: How not to feel every damn thing! Tips on how to cope as an Empath

By Lisa Wechtenhiser

Oh empaths, I feel ya. I mean really. I feel ya! 🙂

Today’s podcast came from a suggestion from Kelly St. Clair on my Facebook page about how to cope as an empath. It’s sorta easy, once you know how to do it.

Listen in and find out!




Podcast Powered By Podbean


Podcast Transcript

from Practically Intuitive Podcasts

Hi everyone! This is Lisa from PracticallyIntuitive.com and welcome to my weekly podcast where I talk about all kinds of things from the spiritual to the mundane with a focus on making it practical to you. It’s nice to talk about things from a theoretical stance but chances are you won’t find much of that here. I’ve learned that action down here in the physical to match whatever you’re doing in the energetic is what makes it all work together. If you’re not taking action on the things you want to change, nothing’s going to happen.

Thanks to everyone who is taking me up on the January special offer! Spaces are filling up and soon I’ll be all booked for the month. Here’s the dealio: two separate one-hour sessions where we look at what you want to shift and change, bring in your Guides and teachers for their perspective, add a dash of my mad intuitive skills and voila! Action steps and a plan you can take into the new year to really shake things up (in a good way, of course!). Two hours and you can get right on track. If you’re interested, please check here for more information and to sign up. This offer ends when January does so reserve your space now.

Today’s topic came from my friend Kelly St. Clair who asked me to look at how to cope as an empath. For those who are not familiar with that term, an empath is someone who can feel other people’s emotions as their own: you literally feel what other people feel.

It’s been said that only one in twenty [people are actual empaths – either I hang out with a lot of empaths (which is possible) or that’s no longer true because I know a lot of individuals who have this trait to varying degrees.

Those of us with very high empathic abilities can really feel the emotions of another as if they were our very own. Now, this is a very helpful thing for me when I’m working with a client because I can tune in and get a sense of what’s going on with them before they even tell me in words. And for many who cannot language their feelings well, it’s especially helpful to work with someone who can do that. Counselors and therapists use this skill this all the time.

However, an unskilled empath can find themselves weighed down by everyone’s emotions coming at them all the time. It’s like you’re walking in a store and everyone who comes by flings some sort of emotional yuck at you! You’re dodging anger, sadness, depression, rage and all kinds of things that aren’t yours. So you end up leaving the store covered in everyone else’s yuck adding to your own emotional porridge going on inside you. What a mess, eh?

Fellow empaths, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s easy to turn that thermostat on your empathy way down unless you need it for some reason. I keep mine on very low except when I’m in a session with someone. Otherwise, I don’t need everyone else’s junk clogging me up!

Here’s how to do it: Imagine a thermostat in front of you – the kind in your house for your heat or air conditioning. Sixty degrees is all the way off. Eighty degrees is all the way on. Keep that picture in your head, okay?

Most times, your thermostat will be at 60 or even 62. That means you are feeling just your own stuff and even if you go to the mall and everyone is flinging crap around, your radar ain’t picking it up.

Growing up as an empath, I thought everyone could do this. I knew when my mom was sad even if she was smiling, I knew there was weird crap brewing in my family long before anyone said anything. Everyone can do that right? Nope. Nope and nope.

If you can, you’re an empath. Non-empaths can understand sadness from an intellectual point of view but they aren’t feeling it like it’s their own. That’s the difference.

It takes time and practice to turn this thermostat down and it also takes a willingness to do so. I liked being able to feel people’s stuff – it let me know what was going on around me. But there came a time when my mom’s hopelessness about her own life situation caused me to walk around feeling hopeless and I had no idea why. I just knew there was this blanket of “nothing I do ever works” around me that wasn’t mine.

Separating out her feelings from mine was hard because we were both used to not having to clearly communicate what was going on. We both just knew. But I couldn’t walk around like that any longer. It wasn’t until I learned that I didn’t have to walk around wide open that I began to consciously turn that part of me down a great deal.

Being an empath is a wonderful gift but it comes with some big lessons. Learning how to turn yours up and down will change your life. It did for one of my clients who now understands how much of everyone’s stuff she was carrying around that she didn’t have to. Her life has changed for the better once she learned that thermostat technique. Yours can too.

I’ll include some resources you can look into (books and such) that I’ve found helpful in understanding my gift of emotional empathy on the post for this podcast. And if you need some help in working with yours, please let me know. You can even use your two sessions in January to put this new found knowledge into practice right away.

That’s all for this podcast- this is Lisa from Practically Intuitive. Have a lovely week! Bye for now.