While they’re not fun to enforce (or we’d do it all the time, no prodding necessary!), they are critical to your soul’s growth and evolution. In today’s podcast, I talk about why that’s so and give you a couple ways to start working on yours right now.
Don’t forget – the “Coming Back To Life” E-course starts October 1st!
Hi everyone and welcome to the Practically Intuitive podcast. I’m Lisa and you can find me at Practicallyintuitive.com where I write about intuition, personal development, metaphysical matters and whatever else pops into my head.
Big news! In the coming month or so, I’ll be introducing a new way to guide and support you. I realize that sharing the wisdom that comes from your Guides is important but even more so is the need for you to implement that guidance so you see real and lasting results in your life. Making life changes are hard and that’s where we often need the most help.
But we can’t do that in just one sixty-minute call because change, real change, comes from small, progressive steps. So I’m putting together a package that will offer you the chance to dig in and get amazing transformative results.
Among other things, it will include a three-hour kickoff session where we spend some time really working on what’s in your way and crafting a plan to move past it, coaching to bring about the change you desire and – more importantly – sustain that change, and some learning sessions so you can find deeper ways s to work with your Guide team or experience the freedom that comes with cutting a cord of attachment. There are lots of other cool things that will be included in this package and I’m so excited to debut it! Look for more information coming soon.
Today I’m going to talk about everyone’s most favorite topic – boundaries. What? It’s NOT your favorite? Truth be told, it’s not mine either. Still, being able to know your boundaries and understand why they are a crucial part of taking care of yourself is key to getting what you want and need.
Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, or violated by others. They allow us to separate who we are, and what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others
Well, that seems easy enough, I suppose and it makes sense. Unfortunately, many of us grow up with boundaries that have been stepped on, trampled over and just plain ignored by those around us – family, lovers, friends, children. And somehow, we begin to think that we either don’t deserve to have our own opinions or feelings or that others come before us when we consider what we want.
Take the young girl who has grown up seeing her dad bully her mom whenever her mom asked for what she needed. This girl gets the message that if you speak up, you’ll catch holy hell for it so she learns to go along to get along. She loses her metaphorical voice in the world. She also learns that it’s okay for someone else to shut her up. Can you see how this would affect so many areas of her life? She hasn’t been taught that it’s an essential life skill for her to speak up and own what she wants.
I was 24 when I moved out of my mom’s house and I got so much flak from my Italian family over my desire to do that. In my family, you stayed home until you either went away to college or got married. I was leaving just because I wanted to and that was not acceptable, according to my mom and grandparents. My therapist at the time made me repeat the mantra “it’s okay for me to do this” over and over and over. Essentially, I had to give myself permission to want this in the face of everyone telling me that it wasn’t okay. I did it but with an enormous amount of needless guilt for reasons I still don’t understand to this day.
And empaths, those who can directly experience the emotions of other people, face a particularly difficult time with boundaries. It’s hard to know what feelings belong to them and what belongs to other people. There’s a huge blurring of borders.
I know (often with amazing clarity) how my words and actions will directly affect another. And I’ve chosen not to speak up many, many times because I didn’t want to hurt someone.
Instead of allowing them to feel whatever they want and make their own choices, I’ve created this entire play in my head about what’s going to happen when I speak up.
So, not only am I not honoring my own boundaries by remaining silent, I’m not honoring their right to feel and act however they choose in response to my words.
Why is it so hard to ask for what we want? And to be able to say no to what we don’t want?
There are so many reasons, really. Much of it comes down to understanding that not only do we have the right to set our boundaries; we have the responsibility to do that. Boundaries are your way of claiming what you value.
If you don’t claim it, you will seek your self-worth in someone else’s opinion.
Let me say that again because it’s huge: If you do not claim the things you value and want in your life, you are giving that power away to others who will make those choices for you.
Is that what you really, truly want?
Your needs have just as much validity as anyone else’s needs.
Really they do. No matter what you’ve learned along the way, you matter just as much as everyone else.
Believe that. Because all else springs from that belief.
Now that you know how important it is to claim your desires, here’s a couple ways to start doing that right today:
1) Speak up even in situations that aren’t a big deal. If someone asks you what restaurant you’d like to go to and you don’t overly care, pick one anyway. This is just practice in speaking your preference out loud. When you see that you can own what you want with the small stuff, it helps build your confidence in asking for the bigger things.
2) Learn to say no nicely. And be truthful about it. If you don’t want to go to a family cookout, say “I’m not going to be able to come but thank you so much for the invitation.” Making up excuses just makes you feel bad for not being truthful and disrespects the other person. There are reasonable ways to say no thank you. Find them and use them in cases where it’s appropriate.
This is such a large topic that affects so many areas of our life that I’ve only been able to touch on it a bit here. But if you start with these small steps, you will see a difference immediately. You can’t not see it! And the more you do it, the more confidence you’ll have about speaking up. So when it gets to something big, you’ll be able to say what you want much easier.
Like learning how to work with your intuition, the time to practice it is when there’s nothing riding on the outcome, not when you’re in the weeds and have to make a life-changing decision. There’s no shame in starting right where you are. Just start.
That’s all for this time. Thanks so much for tuning in and I look forward to talking with you again soon. This is Lisa from Practically Intuitive.com, bye for now!