I bet you know someone like this:
* Every Facebook status is about how awesome they are – great house, amazing life, fantabulous business making trillions of dollars working 3 hours a week
* No matter what you have accomplished, they’ve done something better and are more than happy to tell you ALL about it
* They don’t share in your joy, ask you how you’re doing or check in with you unless it affords them an opportunity to tell you how great their life is.
Yeah, you do.
Several someones, probably!
I seem to have a few of these people dotting the landscape of my life. At the former place of employ, I worked with someone we nicknamed “Mr. Big Stuff” because of the way he used to strut around the office, almost knocking people out of the way so he’d get noticed first.
What I’ve come to learn is that in many cases, this “arrogant” behavior stems from an serious self-esteem issue. As in, they don’t have a whole lot.
Sounds crazy, right? It looks like they have a wee bit too much self-esteem sometimes. (Donald Trump, I’m looking at you!)
When you work with deeper perception, you learn to see things on an intuitive level that cannot be seen with your human eyes.
Take “Mr. Big Stuff” – I found out through an indirect way that he was adopted. After learning that information, things got clearer for me. Every time he would stomp around the office, wanting attention for this or that, all I could see was a ten-year old boy saying “Please notice me. Please don’t leave me out.” I understood why he did some things the way he did.
(Not saying this is true of every adopted child – just that in this case when I tuned in to him, this is what came through.)
Was he still an arrogant ass? Yes. Quite a bit, in fact. Just because I knew what motivated that behavior doesn’t mean he got a free pass.
Thing is, though, my noticing his arrogance/low-self esteem is all about me. It is. (Seriously.)
It’s poking me so that I can pay attention to it in my own life.
Where am I showing arrogance?
Where is my self-esteem taking a dip?
Every time I’m poked by someone giving themselves mega props on something (“Don’t I look awesome today?” Facebook statuses, for example), I know I’m reacting to their need for attention. It activates the little girl part of me who felt she wasn’t seen or lived in the shadow of someone else.
When I’m poked like that, it’s time for me to ask my inner self “What do YOU need?”
By looking at what pokes me, what hurts me, what causes me pain, I am able to do something to bring about a change. If someone touting themselves on Facebook as the greatest thing since sliced bread makes me squirm, I start right there.
I won’t lie – you need fairly good self-awareness skills to do this successfully.
Start where you are, though. If you’re pinged, ask yourself what’s going on.
For me, the conversation in my head goes something like this: “That person looks needy to me. I don’t like to show that. I don’t want anyone to see my neediness or they’ll go away. Neediness = people leaving me. Abandonment sucks. I cannot ever appear needy.”
See? Naked neediness feels icky to me. Every time I see something that hits that nerve, I go into my abandonment stuff. The more I see it, the more I bring up that energy inside myself. The more that energy exists, the harder it is for me to feel safe doing my work.
That’s how you do it – start asking yourself questions about what you’re feeling when someone makes a comment about how great they are. Do you feel “less than”? What’s the feeling going on? And work from there.
Bottom line: why someone acts the way they do is really none of our concern nor can we change it. Heck, I could spend all day with “Mr. Big Stuff” sharing my thoughts on his psychopathology – doesn’t mean squat to him. People do things because they get something from it, plain and simple. And he’ll keep doing it until he no longer gets what he wants or needs.
On the other hand, when you start to understand that what bugs you about someone else is a reflection something inside you that needs a voice, that’s where REAL CHANGE starts to happen.
Awareness is half the battle (sometimes it’s more like 95% but who’s counting?)
If you find you’re often triggered by things like this but not sure where to even start shifting it give yourself the gift of a sixty-minute session with me. Not only will we illuminate the real cause of what’s triggering you but we’ll clear it out and bring in new energy and behaviors! Work done on the energetic plane is so easy and so effective. Try it and see for yourself!
Thoughts? I’d love to hear them. Leave a comment and let us know what your experience has been.