As the first chapter in an on-going series, I’d like to share some stories about my experience as a budding intuitive. Like my mom before me, I had these "vibes" and learned (the hard way, alas) to follow them. Once I got the understanding of what it meant to be clairaudient and clairsentient, I worked on bringing that skill to another level and enrolled in Sancta Sophia Seminary.
In 2008, I took a class in Advanced Intuitive Development. It was a week long course where a group of students honed their skills through lecture and experiential work, giving intuitive readings to others.
One of the most interesting aspects of that week was the practice of giving readings while seated, then standing close, then standing a bit further away and finally, standing ten or more feet away from the other person. It was fascinating to me to see how the flow of energy changed from a seated position to a standing position. It was as if my whole body could pull in information and process it.
But I digress.
The culmination of the week’s work was giving what’s called "platform readings" where you stand before an audience and share what intuitive guidance comes through you for specific individuals. I have done many readings face-to-face, many more via email but never before had I stood in front of a group and just sort of winged it. And while I trust my skills beyond measure, I had a wee bit ‘o the nerves hit me before I got up on the platform.
For one thing, the Dean of the Seminary, Rev. Carol Parrish, was there (she was one of the instructors of the course) and I felt intimidated by her abilities. (I have no idea why but it was all about me and my fears and not a single bit about her.)
On top of that, it occurred to me that the readings were to be done on a Sunday and what if my Angels didn’t work on a Sunday and I’d be standing on a platform without words? Yes, that ridiculous thought really did run through my head – that’s how large that fear was.
Watching the other intuitives work was both amazing and terrifying to me as I sat there on the stage. They were just able to stand up there and give messages as if they had been doing it all their lives.
Most amazing to me was one woman who came from a small town and had been raised as an Evangelical Christian. We all wanted to know how she came to be at a Seminary founded upon mystical teachings given her background. She said she realized she could see the spirit world pretty clearly and felt called to find out more about this. Watching her talk to those in the audience about their loved ones in Sprit who showed up was awe inspiring. And intimidating. I was a bundle of nerves.
When my time came to stand up on the platform, I walked up there on wobbly legs, the fear of appearing like a fool wrapping around me tightly. I took a breath and looked out over the audience of 30 or so people and imagined myself diving into a pool of cool, clear water.
There was no turning back.
I was drawn to go to a woman there who had been through chemotherapy for breast cancer. Spirit had a message for her. Truly, I cannot remember the exact wording because the message was for her and just came through me. But it was a very profound one because she hugged me and cried and said it confirmed all she had been feeling but was afraid to believe. I started to cry myself because the LARGE heart energy of this wonderful woman just enveloped me. I felt blessed to be a messenger for her, as if she was giving me a gift right from her heart.
There were other messages I gave that day but it’s mostly a blur. I was able to turn off the ego self and the spazzy self (really, the same thing) and just get out of the way of Spirit. There was no fear there.
I trusted the Universe to support me as I walked along my first high wire. And, of course, I did not fall. As I never do in service to Spirit. (Took me a while to get that lesson.)
When I returned to the Seminary in 2009 for Pastoral Counseling Week, I ran into this woman again as she crossed a room to hug me. "I will never forget the message you gave me," she said. "It carried me through a very dark time. Thank you more than I can say." She hugged me tightly and I could again feel that enveloping warmth from her heart. It felt transformational, as if I were the one getting healed. (I’m pretty sure I was, actually.)
Learning to fly and trust that I will be supported is one of my biggest and greatest lessons.